Here is a little story that hopefully will make you smile and brighten up your day!
So, I have a fear of snakes. I have never really liked them. The way they slither and do not have legs makes my skin crawl. It is not like I have been bitten by a snake nor have I had a serious encounter with one. I even went “snake hunting” with a friend when I was younger to get over my fear.
It didn’t work. I will always remember the bag full of wriggling snakes that I carried for him, for the rest of my life.
I guess my fear is mostly from the thought of getting bitten. I worry I cannot run away fast enough before a poisonous snake may bite me. Do not get my started on the movie Anaconda! Then I think a big snake will squeeze me to death. It is unrealistic, I know.
I never watched snakes on a plane. That is a recipe for a nightmare. I only watch Zombie movies once a year around Halloween, as I have discovered that my nightmares are often heavily influenced by the shows I watch. Watching horror movies is basically off the table.
I actually watched the horror movie, ‘The Ring’, by myself. I watched it in a cabin on one hundred acres of land in the middle of nowhere. This is when I was doing research for my masters. Another guy I was rooming with told me to watch it. I promised him that I would. I will never make promises like that again! I also was super pissed at him when he showed up at six am on Sunday morning to find me awake on the couch, with a bottle of jack, the TV off and all the lights on in the cabin. I vaguely remember a two by four in my hand, since I could not find a hockey stick or a baseball bat to defend myself.
I screamed when I saw him, because my imagination goes wild and I thought about a single white female in a cabin in the woods. I think he might have peed himself he was laughing so hard!
The good news is that where I live in Northern Canada, there are few if any snakes at all! The ones that are hardy enough to live here are not poisonous. That’s a win!
Now, in case you are wondering if I am afraid of spiders too, that is a no. I like spiders. When I was doing my masters degree at the University of Toronto, the lab next door had a tarantula that was simply gorgeous in color. It was almost a gunmetal black with an iridescent purple belly. It was the cutest thing! Now if I could apply that mentality to snakes, we would be all set!
So, I digress. Moving onto the snake story…. My parents have a small house in Tucson, Arizona. They are snow-birds and love to head there around or just after Christmas, and spend time there until about April. This one particular year we went to visit my parents in April, so we could surprise my mother for her birthday. I never visit Arizona past the first week of March. I know the snakes hibernate from mid-October to mid-March. My favorite time to visit is end of January or beginning to mid February. This is so I have no snakes to think about. It is also when it can be super cold in Alberta. Our temperatures can be in the -30’s and -40’s degree Celsius. For my American friends, that translates to -22 degrees Fahrenheit to -40 degrees Fahrenheit. (I do love my fireplace.)
We are visiting my parents, and my mother is telling us a story about how last year she saw a snake in the backyard, it was a rattlesnake. My mother called 911 and they sent the firefighters to fetch it. Let me review this statement. You call 911 for snakes in Arizona. Who knew?
So my mother is almost salivating when she recounts how the sexy firemen came to pick up the snake. She made it sound like they were super easy about it, which they were. They have this extended pole with a wire/hook that grabs the snake and they put it in a box and then release it somewhere else. That sounds really neat. I wonder if I will get to see these fire fighters.
Well, what do you know, I do get to meet the Tucson firefighters.
It was a partly-cloudy, but warm afternoon. I decided to sit out in the backyard with my Mother. I wanted to enjoy a lazy afternoon with my margarita and my book, “You Are a Badass”. Hahahahaha. Badass at calling 911!
I’m sitting with my legs up on a stool, facing out towards the saguaro national park. The park begins on the other side of the four foot stone wall that separates my parent’s backyard.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see something move. I look towards the wall and it looks like the wall is moving. Oh my God!!! It is a snake crawling on the wall. What do you mean snakes can climb? I do not want this knowledge!
I calmly tell my Mother, and she is freaking out more than I am! She runs for the sliding glass door, and then yells at me to call 911 – which I do.
I am on the phone with the really nice lady on the other end. She asks me for the address and my phone number in case she has to call back. She is super calm and tells us to stay indoors, and that she already dispatched the fire-fighters. Tell me to stay indoors. I know they record 911 calls. I’m pretty sure someone is laughing at my reply to her.
I kid you not that within about three minutes there is a fire truck parked outside our home, on the street, and three handsome looking guys are coming up the driveway. At this point, my husband and my Dad had been taking a nap but were now up to see the action. (Really, they are up to keep my Mother and I in line.)
The first firefighter approaches me and asks where the snake is. I point to the backyard and in a second he already spots the snake. Another fire-fighter joins him and the third stands with my mother, husband, father and I.
The first firefighter is super calm, and then he gets excited. Excited! He starts pointing out that this snake is good for us as it is a Bullsnake, not a rattlesnake. Then he proceeds to bring the snake up to me. I run into the house and close and lock the glass door. The poor guy is looking at me through the glass and shoving the snake up against it to show me and tries to explain the differences between a rattlesnake and a bullsnake. Then he exclaims it is four and a half feet long. He said we should keep the snake in the back yard as it will defend its territory against any rattlesnakes that come around.
Hence, why the snake is so good for us and why he was so excited. My mother and I are adamant that this snake is going somewhere else. So he reluctantly puts the snake in a box to take him away.
Then he proceeds to start a conversation. He wants to know why we are afraid of snakes. I can tell he wants to educate us so we are not so scared. During his educational session, he starts up with some questions. One of them is asking where we are from.
“Well, we are from Edmonton, Alberta. And my parents are from Ottawa, Ontario.”
His reply was, “Yup, no snakes in Edmonton”, to which I replied, “Exactly how I like it!”
Then a voice can be heard from the other side of the wall. Our neighbor, Bob, is wondering why we won’t keep the snake. My mom is having an argument with him. Actually she is more like pleading with him to let the firefighters take the snake somewhere else.
Now we have three firefighters standing in our backyard having a conversation with Bob. They have to relocate the snake because we asked them too, even if it is not a danger to us. Bob wants the snake for his yard. I have an issue with this and I point it out to the firefighters.
All four of them are staring at me as I make a few points about this.
- I now know snakes can climb. I have a vague recollection that I somehow already knew they did, but now I have seen it in action and am thoroughly freaked out!
- I also point out that I live in a place where the wind hurts my face. I live there so that I do not have to worry about snakes climbing anything. I think I made a few of the firefighters laugh at that one.
- If snakes can climb, and this is where you found the snake, obviously he likes our backyard. What would stop this snake from climbing back over the wall and into our yard if you set him free in our neighbors?
The firefighters did not reply to that question. They simply walked around our house and dropped the snake off next door. That was it! They come in like cavalry and leave like every day civilians.
I watched them with a long face, walk around the front yard into our neighbors. I could not bring myself to see them release the snake.
Needless to say, I did not go out in the backyard the rest of the week I was on vacation.
Moral of this story. If you ever find a snake in Arizona, call 911 and in three minutes you will have a firefighter show up. Two, I found out firefighters get on average, about five calls a day to relocate snakes. Three, if you do not like snakes, keep travel times to when they hibernate.
“Never discuss cheese with rats, talk bread with birds or make moves with snakes.” – unknown
